Adventures in Jurassic World!

So I realized I hadn’t done a movie review in forever and I just happened to see Jurassic World in a timely manner so the fates aligned and now you have to read my movie review.

So Jurassic World. Before I get going, I want to lay a little foundation of where I am coming from on this. I loved the original Jurassic Park. It’s part of my childhood and my life with my adorable nerdy and dino-loving brother. The music of John Williams still gives me chills. I still have an intense fear of velociraptors – ‘cause I am not STUPID. I still have a pretty MAJOR crush on Dr. Grant (standoffish, passionate, heart of gold, and pulls off cargos like no one’s business).

So all that nostalgia means that I walked into the theater with some baggage and expectations. On the other hand, like most people who have seen what Chris Pratt has been up to lately, I am OBSESSED. He has snark and swagger down. And snark is definitely my kryptonite when it comes to boys (since I am 13 and refer to the opposite sex as “boys”).

So between nostalgia and Pratt fan club status, it’s safe to say I didn’t know what to expect but I knew I wanted desperately for it to be awesome.

We got there late because that’s how my bro (my erstwhile movie companion and fellow giant nerd – yes we had matching Marvel shirts for Avengers 2)  roll  and were forced to sit in the second row of the theatre. It’s like IMAX for people who are too lazy or poor to find an IMAX theater… so us. And it was intense and pretty cool being so IN the movie screen.

I know what you are thinking — enough build up, Maslanik, what did you think of the movie???

Well… I loved it. It was super snarky. And I don’t think I spoil too much when I say they did the impossible and took the scary dinosaurs of Jurassic Park and turned them into actual characters in Jurassic World. You had the nerds in the room at dinosaurs, and you got the rest of us when we were rooting FOR the dinosaurs.

My biggest complaint is…

jurassicshoes

Bryce Dallas Howard’s outfit. Yep, I mean come on! An ALL white ensemble with a lilac tank top underneath with nude heels? Stop rolling your eyes. She wears it for the ENTIRE movie. Never loses a shoe, never breaks a heel, doesn’t borrow a jacket or boots or anything. It’s either super realistic that in the middle of a crisis you wouldn’t think of the most impractical outfit of allllllllllll time OR it’s ridiculous. I am sure it’s some sort of comment on her clinical perspective towards the dinosaurs in the beginning but seriously? When it gets the point where MEN in the theater are like “is she still in those ridiculous heels?” I think it’s safe to say you’ve wandered into the ridiculous. It sucks too because Bryce Dallas Howard is actually great. She’s a great heroine. She makes mistakes and sees it and tries to fix it and even steps up and kicks a little ass but her outfit distracted and I think diminished her characters impact somewhat. I don’t think it’s anti-feminist either to talk about her outfit. It was an intentional decision by the movie makers and it was so annoying that it took us out of the movie. No girl runs around in nude patent heels while being chased by dinosaurs! (I see now the problem with that sentence… not a lot of actual dinosaur chasing going around – but you know what I mean!)

My biggest praise is…

Jurassic-World-Chris-Pratt

Chris Pratt as Owen. This character could be a total d-bag but in the hands of Chris Pratt, he’s not. He’s the voice of reason and a times the voice of the audience in the film. He’s adorable, sassy, and BADASS. Basically, I can only assume they did some focus groups on the ideal man for ladies in films and then just wrote that character for Chris Pratt. At one point, the young nephews of Bryce Dallas Howard’s character are reunited with their aunt and they inform her that they are not leaving…. Chris Pratt’s side – forget the aunt. Well, kids are always vessels of wisdom, because in their shoes and on like 20 other levels including adult sex appeal, I am not leaving his side either.

I don’t want to spoil the movie by going into too much detail. But this isn’t the monster movie you might remember from the 90s original. This is a modern snark fest with dinosaurs and evil companies with TERRIBLE ideas. The truth is the conflict was a tad bit annoying at times because the people in charge were just making awful decisions. My brother kept muttering “that’s a bad idea.” He was right a lot. In life, though, sometimes the people in charge do make terrible decisions so I guess that’s realistic, it’s just a tad hard to watch.

All in all, I enjoyed the heck out of the movie and laughed way more than I thought I would. There were terrifying moments but it was balanced with some really great moments from Chris Pratt, who is quickly becoming the MAN in Hollywood. (I have zero problems with that. And if you do, watch this movie. And then watch his character saunter around talking about ethical treatment of animals and war and tell me he’s not the MAN.)

Let me know your thoughts and if you agree or if I was off base and blinded by my Pratt fangirling.

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